A New Beginning

It has been a while since I picked up a pencil and a piece of paper, or should I say, picked up my computer and started typing. It feels as if while I was getting lost in translation, I was finding peace and tranquility; now that I am back home, I am lost in the routine. I was brought back to this filthy place where it seems things are happening for us and not by us. It is almost as if we where reprogrammed the minute we stepped out of the airplane.

It is good though, back with my beautiful daughter and amazing son which I missed so badly while being away for so long. My office, my desk, my environment; those things that when I breathe, they provide me with such positive energy that a smile builds up around my face. But it's only a couple of things that really have such an effect on my daily routine while so many step on my way uninvited. It is good to have learned to admire the good and the bad, the nice and the ugly, to accept the challenges as facts and turned them around for a profit. It was good to think straight for a while, to organize myself, my thoughts, my behavior, it was all worth every millisecond.

Now life goes on and the challenge still remains. It has been about a month and a half since we got back and we have noticed very little changes in our baby, although little changes can become big changes if we do not let ourselves run out of patience. My wife has been so dedicated to this little person that it is simply admirable and I could not doubt for a second that with her persistence and determination, there is no other way but up.

I am in constant research in order to find solutions and answers; little by little, step by step. And there are solutions out there, only that not a single one will produce real results, but it is when in concert that they will shine up in brightness and color. Wait, and execute, wait, and execute some more.

For the past ten years my life has trained me to be a scientist, a man in constant look for logical answers into every problem and situation I face. It actually brought me to think and to write: if it doesn't have a scientific explanation, it's a religion. How and why did I come up with such a statement? It doesn't really matter, it is a way of looking at things specially when your professional life demands it.

So I get the chance to resolve many technical issues every day of my life because my job demands it. See, we are in a business that has been evolving since the early nineties and it's still not homogenized or standardized. All elements across a network are not close to compatible to each other, yet we make them work. It's as if you go to an international convention and for the purpose of making communications easy, it is held in the widely popular english language. However, there is the guy from Denmark with its own perception of the english language, having a conversation with the Russian who is not agreeing with the German because the French, yes, the French, has to say no to everything. So there you have them all speaking in English yet not understanding the intentions in their words to the full extent; it is an english speaking communication environment to the 67.42%. I get the chance to make things work, I twitch them, I change them, I kick them until they get to do whatever it is I want them to do. I get to repair the conception of many of my colleagues that a simple "that does not work" will do for them; not for me my friends, not for me.

The challenge presented is somehow more controversial. The chance and opportunity presented has been now to repair a human being, to give it the right we all have to live a normal life and enjoy everything this universe has to offer. The challenge is to play God and to play the doctor. Although I'm neither, I have been taught to seek and constantly seek for answers, and to try everything with every possible variable until all resources are exhausted. It is what I am, it is built in me, and I thank the universe for giving me such a challenge to prove myself that if you put your mind into something, you can really get to its achievement. Everything has a logical explanation, nothing is just "what it is". So I will dedicate my efforts and resources to see this through and only to prove myself and to show myself that in this huge and black-holed aligned universe, there is a way to succeed.

Well my friends, that time has come. The time in which I get to work and face all my challenges. But something has changed in the process, I will be heart and mind, body and soul, and not just an individual piece separated from the core. So I leave you here and hopefully see you soon.

Love you all, always and forever.

Tuto.38

Back Home But Not From Where I belong

I left China last Friday, that's why I did not have the time to write here. I left China and I feel a part of me stayed there, it feels weird. It was a very long trip, from the moment we left the Hospital until we got home, took some twenty nine hours. It was a little over two hours to go from Hangzhou to Shanghai where we flew thirteen and a half hours to Atlanta, Georgia. We had a three-hour layover in Atlanta, which turned into five because they had to close the airport due to very bad weather around the area; a very long day after all.

I got home at around 2AM but I was able to sleep during the long flight so it didn't feel that bad. In any case, 2AM here in Miami, but my body was already set to the far away eastern time zone, so it was really 2PM. I was a bit worried that it was going to be hard to go to sleep, but I worked around it and it just went fine.

When I got home, the first thing I saw was beautiful bottle of an eighteen-year old Buchanans, my favorite scotch, which my beloved brother Guillermo had left for me as a welcome gift. As you might recall, I only had a few beers during my trip (and may I say, terrible Chinese beer) so the small detail turned into a big surprise. Simple things my friends, simple things. After setting up all the luggage inside the house, I poured some over ice, no water, just ice, and enjoyed the amazing moment while relaxing and thinking about my past thirty days. It felt weird; I felt weird. There was a very strange mood around me, even the air smelled different. I kept thinking about China, with my eyes closed, and thanked for having such a wonderful opportunity. I realized how different this journey had been, but not because of the purpose of the trip, that is just obvious, but how it had changed me. And change is a process, a very complicated one, so everything that is going through my mind is completely opposite to what I expected. My mind is taking long and complex shifts, not even knowing what is it that I really want. But so I read, it is completely normal and expected and it should be OK in time, just more patience and it will come.

It is obvious that the first thing I did when I woke up (and after taking a shower of course) was to run and pick up my kids which I missed so badly. I felt the urgent need to see them, hug them kiss them. I missed them so much it was starting to bother me, but after some forty eight minutes driving, I got to do all that! The very next thing would be to grab some lunch, after all I had not eaten for a long time. So I met Guillermo my brother at our favorite restaurant, Graziano's of Coral Gables, an Argentinian steak house comparable to none and we all had lunch. There, I satisfied some other important needs I have missed for so long; a perfect cut Vacío (Argentinian Imported Flank Steak) which cannot be left out without a perfect Muga Reserva (a Rioja, red wine from Spain) to go with it. It was a meal I cherished from the moment I left, and I got to enjoy it so much and in such good company. The third thing I missed very much as well was my office, and that I get to do this Monday; maybe you don't get me, but I can't wait to go work!

Now that we are back, we have to play the waiting game. According to the doctors, we will see some improvement on Marujita after three months following the treatment, so patience is required. I am pretty sure everything will go as planned, but obviously you always want things to happen now, no waiting. So I will follow some of the principles I studied while in China, and I will live the moment and not worry about the future. I will remember China as one of the things that made an impact on my life, and I will enjoy those memories because they are nothing but good. A dream of happiness my dad would say, and tomorrow, a vision of hope.

I am extremely grateful to everybody and I cannot thank you enough for all your messages of optimism and hope. I was there alone, physically yes, but thanks to you I felt surrounded of your good and positive spirit and that is more than any human being can ask for. I kept thinking on the purpose of the trip and some words kept coming to mind. My beautiful mother always had to say this, but in Spanish, so I don't know if it will make much sense: the worst effort is that which you do not make. And it is so true, we just have to move, to shake our world, to go out and do it. Period.

I will leave you for know, I have to prepare breakfast for the kids who are very particular at this important meal. Pancakes, eggs, bacon, orange juice, the works! I will see you soon, love you unconditionally, always and forever.

Tuto.38

Por La Amistad (Spanish Only)

Para mi gran sorpresa, algo increible acaba de ocurrir. Acabo de recibir un email con un documento anexo que sencillamante no podía creer. Trata de un email que envié hace ya once años a mis dos queridos hermanos, Alejandro Burgaña y Othman Gamero. Realmente no recuerdo el por qué, solo recuerdo el motivo por el cual escribía ese email; estaba celebrándo quince años de amistad con ellos.

Para quienes no saben, yo entré en el Colegio San Ignacio para primer año de bachillerato, proveniente del Jefferson Academy. Mis dos primeros amigos, ya adivinaron, ellos dos. El Colegio San Ignacio de Loyola definitivamente está en mi "top five" de las mejores cosas que me han pasado en la vida, y me siento una persona con mucha fortuna por haber tenido esa oportunidad. De cinco colegios a los cuales apliqué y fuí aceptado, el Colegio San Ignacio fué la constante insistencia por parte de Maruja. Poco sabía ella el gran impacto que eso iba a causar y no solo por el tiempo que estuve ahí, sino por el legado que eso ha dejado.

Todavía, después de veinte años de graduados, celebramos una vez al año el ser Ignacianos, a través de un día familiar en Miami donde participan todos los exalumnos del colegio; somos aproximadamente 100 familias, es algo increible.

Entonces yo creo que todo ésto dejó mucho, porque como muy bien dice Othman, el destino nos unió a los tres finalmente, en la misma ciudad y a no más de quince minutos en carro (eso dice Burgaña...). Todo pasa por un motivo, cada vez creo más en eso porque cuando comenzamos a poner todas las piezas juntas de éste rompecabezas infinito, todo comienza a hacer un sentido increible.

Acá los dejo con el email que escribí hace once años, celebrándo mi amistad de quince años con ellos:

QUINCE AÑOS DE AMISTAD > Por Carlos F. Lahrssen > Para: Alejandro Burgana y Othman Gamero

Con doce apenas con que contar, a un mundo nuevo acabo de llegar. "Colegio San Ignacio" comentaban los de gran conocer, un buen colegio decian todos los demas.
En una tarde Caraqueña como cualquier otra, un descanso merecido nos acaban de dar, claro, los tan reconocidos Apostoles de nuestra institucion "los padres" del Colegio San Ignacio se les solia llamar.
Se acercan dos individuos con una gran peculiaridad: me pregunto, quien es el blanco que la playa debe desconocer, quien es el que tanto habla que no deja al blanco hablar. "Que mas chamo?" en sentido coloquial dice el blanco cuando el otro lo dejo hablar. Alejandro Burgaña, pero me dicen Burga; Othman Gamero, pulga. Que tal? contesto yo, Carlos F. Lahrssen, Tuto. Quince años. Quince años fueron creados en tal anterior minuto coloquial. Quince años llenos de verdad, quince de honestidad. Pero mas importante aun, QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD.
Para unos fue, aquel hermano que nunca sus padres trajeron. Para otros fue, dos hermanos aun mas con que contar. Contar sin que importe la cuenta, porque en realidad se resume todo en QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD.
A Dios gracias le tengo que dar, pero ni Dios sabe en que cantidad. Por lo mismo expreso mi extremada gratificacion, a mis dos amigos por QUINCE ANOS de amistad.
Siendo esta una extraña ocasion, mis ajenas palabras anteriores quedan resumidas en la siguiente expresion: Son mis dos hijos de puta mejores amigos del alma, son mis hermanos, son mis mejores QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD. Son el apoyo que siempre me hizo falta y que siempre me hara; son los mejores panas que cualquiera quisiera tener. No, maricon, no estoy rascado, estoy disfrutando hoy, 16 de agosto 1998, de QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD!!!!!!
Y una historia tan larga queda resumida, porque solo una palabra describe el puro sentido de esta intencion. Amistad.
Ahora si a Dios gracias doy, por el tiempo que queda y no por el que paso. Por aquel dia Caraqueño que nuestras vidas cambio, cuando el par de individuos a mi se presento. Burgaña, Pulga, y? "Y?", no existe razon, valor, diccionario, enciclopedia, u otra forma de definicion que a tal simple letra significado le puedan dar, mas que claro para nosotros tres, "Quince Años de Amistad".

>>Sinceramente,>>>Carlos F. Lahrssen> (Tuto)

Ésto es sencillamente increible "...por el tiempo que queda y por el que pasó..." veintiséis años después y acá estamos juntos, prácticamente en la misma redoma; el tiempo que queda...

Bueno, un nota referente a la amistad, cortesía de Othman que no sé que pacto tendrá con Steve Case y logró excavar lo suficientement profundo para encontrar algo así. Por la amistad, por mis amigos, mis hermanos, y por Angelito que sencillamente hay que nombrar.

Un abrazo a todos y se les quiere profundamente, eternamente.

Tuto.38

21 Million

Seventh injection, mission accomplished. I think I survived the ordeal but I will not know until I get back! Getting back means getting half-way around the planet; it means a fifteen hour flight over the North Pole and then heading south to Miami. It is not a direct flight though, it's going to be a very long day. We start by traveling from Hangzhou to Shanghai (and I am writing this with fried noodles in my stomach and a fresh cup of green tea) which is about a two and a half hour drive. We will then fly from Shanghai to Atlanta, GA, and after a three-hour layover, we will fly to Miami. Total travel: 24 hours.

Well, on the good news now, Marujita had her injection just as if she had a bottle of whatever it is she drinks; slept before and continued sleeping after the treatment. I hope she will pull an all-nighter because last night I did not sleep that much.

We have watched three movies today because it is the only way to speed up the day. See, the closer the departure date, the slower the days. I can't concentrate so reading is a bit boring. I read three books anyways so I think I covered an important quota for this month.

Twenty one million cells have been transplanted into Marujita's system. What is next, you might ask. Well my friends, it is a waiting game. It is a time in which nothing but hope, optimism and positive mind will have to be our priorities. I feel very comfortable because with friends and family like you, I have no doubt this is an award-winning, happy ending story.

I will go flat on my back now, I'm really tired and for the first time in twenty nine days I actually feel the need for some sleep. But expect me to invite you home for green tea and have a chat. Someone mentioned when I get back, we should get together and have some whiskey. I need your help here, what is whiskey? How does it taste like? I think I heard about it before but nothing comes to mind right now.

I will leave you again with words that my favorite person alive, my dad, wrote to me some twenty five years ago. I know I already posted it, just want to keep on repeating it because every time I do, it makes more sense:

Yesterday is already a dream and tomorrow only a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

cflv


I leave you all for now, love you all unconditionally always and forever.

Tuto.38